bubbling over!!!!

Have you ever felt like you where drowning

while you where standing on dry land.

I have had that feeling several times while on this journey.

I tried with all my heart not to lose control of my emotions while on the phone today.

 Here is the story of how my emotions got the best of me!

The bubbling effect started on the 26th of June when our paper work was sent back.

We tried to send off our paper work to the Sectary of state to get appostilled.

They sent it back and told us that they cannot appostiled copies.

We need  to have the Dr. that did our physical, sign the same document

two more times instead of coping it. 

Guess what, he went on vacation for two weeks!  

I was a little upset but I thought I would and have to wait 

until July the 9th when he gets back.

The tears started to build in my eyes when the nice lady told me 

the Dr. did not have any days open until

 Monday July 16th. 

The drowning feeling over came me and the tears

cooled my warm face while I cried.

The nice lady on the other end of the line asked if I was o.k.

I responded  to that statement with 

a light and shackie "I am ok"

I know that I should not be so upset with having to wait for another week,

however, 

I want those papers sent over so we

can get our boy home.

After I hung up the phone I sobbed and tried to search for meaning 

what does this mean?

What do we need to do now?

I asked and prayed for an answer and all I got was a 

peace and the assurance to keep moving ahead.

I then called the Sectary of state again to see what else we could do?

She told me that we could get those copies  notarized.

So we will write a quick statement and have the copies notarized again.

We will send them off and see what happens.  I hope that it goes well.

I want to have the paper work sent and start the process 

of our first flight.

I am reminded on an hourly basis that I am not in control

 and I do not like it sometimes.

People try to be nice and remind me of that fact.

 I am aware of it, because if I was in control

it would be different. 

One thing I know is that if I did not react

with such emotion 

I would be dead inside.

I also know that it is a slow and painful

way to die, from the inside out!

Some times I hate my humanity  and my emotions

however

I hate being a robot more.

I just needed you all to know how this journey has 

changed me into a better person.  

There are days and moments that cause me to feel overwhelmed.

There are days that I just laugh and smile when 

I think of our boy and if he will like cars  or blocks better.

There are moments that I just cry with pain, happiness, sorrow

and frustration.

 I do not doubt that he is my son.

I do not doubt that he will enjoy his life with the love and support of this family.

Even if I have moments when I feel like I am drowning, 

I know who my help comes from.