Sunday, March 25, 2018

Palm Sunday

Palm Sunday, 
the beginning of the end of our expectations
 of Jesus and who and what he was doing. 
  He was ready to display his plan 
and his course of action to fulfill his mission. 
It was the beginning of the love story
 that still echoes in the hearts and ears of the ones who are willing to hear it. 
It was the time when we as humans
 could be untied to fulfill our mission, 
just as the donkey Jesus rode on while entering Jerusalem. 

The chosen symbolic donkey was tied
 up waiting for the mission. 
This donkey was chosen.
This donkey was seen for what it was.

When untied and lead to the mission, 
this donkey carried the weight of many 
and the sorrows of events 
that would not change ,
and most importantly the victory
 due to mercy filled freedom.   

We are all tied to something that we need to be released from.   I know that I was tied up with the ropes of perfection. 
The ropes of self- righteousness tightened ever so rapidly around my wrists and ankles. 
  My self- worth and identify were infused with the fibers of what tied me down.  
 The ropes made me feel ugly and very messy. 
I raged with every effort to change but was too weak to do so.  The acid of anger and bitterness burned my lips until that day when my ropes were cut and I gained freedom to fulfill my mission.  
There is never a day that I am not thankful for the mercy 
and the love that saved me from myself! 
I am thankful for the confidence that reins in my heart. 
I am thankful for the eyes of love, 
the heart for the mission.  
I am thankful for the strength to preserve. 
I am Thankful for the reassurance of who I am.
 I am thankful for forgiveness and clarity.

         In honor of this day 
and the kindness 
and the sovereignty of God.
 I choose to leave my ropes on the road where he untied me. 
I will leave the shame of past selfishness. 
I will leave the whispers of doubt.
  I will leave the unanswered questions on the road 
and I will wait to see the truth
 when I am able to see it clearly. 
I will leave
 my anger
 and my  bitterness
 on the dusty road with those ropes. 
I will choose to walk in the mission, 
the love, 
 the peace, 
and the knowledge 
that I am chosen and  I am equipped. 
I free to be me !
 I also know that I am loved because of that reason!

 What are you tied to? 

Is it time to allow freedom to make you ready for your mission?
He sees you and he still wants you!

  He sees you and he is not frightened by you or your mess. 
He loves you all of you regardless PERIOD! 

Are you ready to accept your freedom and your love, unmerited and allow it to empower you and your mission? 

Friday, April 14, 2017


Have you ever had the empty feeling, that feeling at the pit of your being. 
That feeling that hurts when you even utter a sound.  
That feeling that echoes all the anguish that has been building up in the corners of the heart.  That feeling that turns you inside out. 
Yea that feeling!  
That feeling has made me cry out  “how unfair”!  
 That feeling has tried to control my inner being. 
That feeling has caused a battle within me and around me that was so intense that my vision was blurred and my will was fragile.  
 The memories rush and the scars hurt as I remember that battle.

As the bell rings signaling the first round, I felt confident. 
I had the power and the stamina to dart and swerve when needed.  
I ended the first round unscathed by any physical blows.  
I gave it my all!  
 I gave it my defense strategies and countered with wisdom.  
My ears then heard a familiar sound of the faint bell ringing signaling another round. 
I rushed in with all the ambition to win and with out warning I tripped over my own feet. 
I desperately tried to anchor my footing however the swift action of hurtful words from my opponent caused my knees to buckle. 
As I tried to stand up and gain some kind of composure another sneak attack pierced my left side. 
As I tried to focus my eyes to see, it finally came into focus and I saw in disbelief that I am wounded.  
The wound was open and bleeding.  
I stood up clenching my side trying not to succumb to the fierce pain invading my body.    
The bell rang again and I was not ready for another beating. 
 This did not stop the onslaught of demands and deadlines that crushed my spirit.  
I was still wounded and losing a great deal of blood .   
This left me physically, emotionally and spiritually lacking.  
This is the time I should have conceded, however, I thought I had some more to give.
 “ I can give of myself!” 
I was willing to give up some of me. 
My soul, my emotions, my passions, my being.  
I thought that was the way to win!  
“I must not give up!” 
I thought that I knew and had what was needed to win. 
 Another bell rang which signaled another round. 
My mind was confused with thoughts and my body suffering from it.  
It only took a left hook to my head for me to land on the mat in the fetal position.  
There while guarding my soul and trying to negotiate with my self about the terms of the deal. 
I   remember I have nothing more to give!  NOTHING!!! 
  Sometimes it takes until I have to scrap myself off the floor to realize that I can choose to get up and walk away.  
  I can control my being and my reactions to the battle.   
 I can also control what I learn and how that affects me! 
“Get up and walk away.”  GET UP !!! 
   As these words echoed in my heart and mind, I stood and left the battle.

 While limping , bleeding and crying out in anguish I notice my self as I was. 
I noticed that my focus was ajar! 
I had allowed MY tiredness, MY hurt, MY unwillingness and MY in ability to see affect me. 
 As I stood there seeing the truth I was ashamed.  
I heard your words.
  I felt your love. 
With those reminders I calmed down and took some time to think and pray, I remembered the lessons that you taught me.  
 I remember!   I remember that I can’t give what I do not have. 
I can’t give patience if I have none. 
I can’t give empathy if I have none.  
I can’t give love if I have none. 
I can’t give mercy if I have none.
  I can’t give understanding if I have none.  
I can’t give anything if first I do not have it!  
My body, soul and heart longed to feel those again without pain, without obligation.  
I knew what I needed to do! 
I needed to remember this feeling so I would not allow me to be at his point again. 
I need to take some time and refuel.
  I need to take some time to renew my spirit, my soul, my body.  
I need to remember it is ok to take care of me. 

Now I try not to let my being, my heart, my soul get that drained.  
I know where to go.  
I know what to do to make sure that I am taking care of.  
I know what to do to make sure I am ready to battle again. 
I know there will be times that I willing give my understanding, my patience, my love and my mercy to help someone else battling.  
  I know that there will be another fight coming soon and I will be prepared for it.  
I know there will be valuable opportunity to give what others need.  
I want to give without any regrets and feeling that I am obligated. 
  I am ready to help! I am ready to battle alongside.  I am ready are you? 

 In turn I pray that others will learn the lesson.  You will know the lesson is learned if you can apply the knowledge learned. 

If you are still feeling that hopeless feeling, that feeling that you are slowly dying from the inside out.  
Please turn to someone that you trust 
who can help you with the lessons of love, mercy, and understanding.  
Please learn how to store up and then apply those lessons.   
You need to know that you are not alone in this fight! 

Sunday, February 5, 2017

I know she is mine!

I have been doing some thinking since Lucy's court date.
 I am so thankful that her name is now legally changed!
She knows who's daughter she is.
 I knew she was mine when I first laid eyes 
on her 2/1/2 years ago.
 I know that she was born to my daughter.
 Since our relationship started 
I have enjoyed the time with her.
 I have learned that she loves noodles,
 rice and all you can eat veggies.
 I have learned that she is truly a goofy girl who loves to make people laugh.   
It seems like I have always loved her. 
So when the question was asked if we would be willing to afford to Lucy all the rights and immunities of a child born to us, it caught me off guard. 
I took a moment to think and then I replied with a tearful but boisterous yes a hundred times yes. 
How can I not afford Lucy all my love and support. 
She is mine. 
I was over come with emotions as I thought about my other beauties and how deeply I love Kersten and Kelsee.
  It just makes sense to love their baby sister.
 I see the love in their eyes,
 I see happiness, 
I see the disappointment, 
I see the frustration, 
I see the willingness to grow together.
 I see it all.
I know that love can and
 does exists outside of bond of blood.
How else can I love my friends, my neighbors, my brother and sister in laws brought into the family thru marriage.
 When I look at us I see LOVE.
 I hope that everyone that looks at us sees love that is not defined by out ward appearances or inward genetics.