Missing him! Loving him!

I miss his smile.

I miss his cute little nose.

I love his cute little laugh!

I miss his hugs and loves.

I miss the way he holds unto my fingers.

I miss the way he looks at me.

I miss the way he walks across the room.

I miss the way his eyebrows go up when he is curious.

 

Sometimes when I think of him I smile.

Other times I cry.

Tears of happiness and then tears of sadness.

Tears of happiness because I got to hold him

I got to kiss him and sing songs in his ears. 

I got to be a part of his life.

Tears of sadness because 

I can't hold him right now.

I can't kiss him.

I can't read a book to him before bed.

I wonder how he is feeling.

I wonder what he is doing?

I wonder if he is o.k. and taken care of!

I cry tears for the unknown.

      

I do know that my body and heart aches sometimes.

I can not control it, there will be something 

that triggers a memory, then I will either laugh or cry.

 

I know that all I can do now

 is 

wait and wait and wait.

All this time gives me time to think.

Thinking of many things.

Some things are memories.

Some things are dreams.

The memories are the anchors of my soul.

I remember the cute things he did.

I remember how it felt to see him for the first. 

My dreams are the love that focuses me!

I dream of all the time when he calls me momma.

I dream of the first time we take him to the zoo.

I dream of the first time he will wake up in his own room.  

I do know that it does not matter what 

the calendar 

or

the clock

says

My heart has always loved him 

and it always will.

Even for a thousand years!