I miss my boy!

It has been a wonderful, exhausting, frustration, joyfully

eye-opening and over all learning experience, this journey we are on!

It has made me see what I need to be Thankful for.

It has also taught me not to judge to quickly anything that is different from me.

I have seen with my eyes the lovely children who smile even when.

I have seen the care that the workers have for the kids.

I have seen the innocence of a cute little Blondie headed 

boy as he rested his head in my hands.

I have seen the excitement of nursery rhythms 

that flooded out the mouth of a sweet boy.

I could sense that these children wanted to spend time with us.

I  could see the smiles and the wonderment of who we where crossing

their beautiful eyes!

Then I saw my boy enter in through the door and all I wanted to do

was to jump up and grab him.

I want you to know that took all my strength not to attach him with kisses.

I watched him walk in the room.

My stomach flipped while my eyes filled with tears.

My heart was ready to explode with love. 

I remember this feeling when I saw both my pretty daughters.

Hd looked around the room and he saw Paul.

That was it He went right to him and sat on his lap.

He then grabbed his hands and latched on to his thumbs.

He sat there and enjoyed that time.

I do know that the first day was a blur due to the time difference.

 there was a few hours  a head of  Nebraska.

I do remember the feeling of shock and amazement

when we found out that we where the first to 

ever adopt from this current place.  

Not just first from America but first ever in the history 

of this place.  He will be the first

  

Time, memories and love!

I am a person who likes to plan.

I like to know how much time a certain event will take.

I like to make my time count!

I like to also be about the bussiness I need to get done!

I also like to watch the clock and make memories.

I looked at the clock every time that my girls where born.

Kersten at 8:20a.m. on August 20th

Kelsee 5:02 p.m. on March 31st

I looked at the clock when both my parents passed away!

Time is a marker for me.

It helps me remember the good and the harder times in my life.

I know that on the flight back home to the U.S. I was praying that

the time would have moved a little quicker.  

I would look at the clock and only 15 minutes would have passed.

This went on for several hours!

It was crazy and then I remember that feeling of wishing to stop time.

I wanted the time with our boy to be slower.

I did not want it to pass to quickly.

I then thought it would be easier to me if I did not know 

or understand the concept of time.  

I know that this concept is harder for people and children that 

have a disability to over come.

I was thinking it might not be a bad thing!

Not being able to tell time or understand what a day looks and feels like.

Not being tied down to the clock.

To be happy and to enjoy every moment!

That concept has taught me to enjoy and make every moment count!

That is the blessing I am praying for with my boy.

I know that time is a hard concept for him to understand.  

I kept whispering  in his ear that we would be back.

I kept telling him that he is a good boy and that we love him.

I know that the wait time is probably harder for us then him.

Still I know that time is not an item that I can change, 

even though I wish I could!

I can change my action and reaction!

I can also learn how to use the time I have

 to do what I am called to do!

Even though this is hard and causes me grief, tears and stress at times.

It is a concept that I can not change!

I will turn my enregy to things that I can change.

That is me and me alone!

I want you to enjoy the pictures of our boy and the memories 

this creates.  

I hope that at this time of the year, You will all 

enjoy the time you have with the people you  love!

Focus on the time you get not on the time you think you should get!

Make those memories that will last and cause happiness!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We have 16 hours left!

It will be a great day on Sunday November 4th!

It will be the day that we

start our journey.  

I am full of many different emotions at the current time.

Excited, nervous, longing, most of all happiness!

We get to touch, love in person and speak with our boy.

I know that some people will never understand how I feel about this little boy.

Some will never see the sparkle in his eyes.

Some will never get the depth of concern for him that we do.

I know that his mom and dad gave him up and I am sure that was out of love!

I also know that he was born to be my sweet brown eyed boy. 

I am aware that many people do not view these little angels the way I do!  

I know that when we go and meet our son  there will

be things that I do not want to see.

I know that I will see things that will cause a change in me.

I know that I will not be able to change all that I want,

 However, I will be able to do what I am suppose to!

I know who I am , I also know where my strength and love come from!

I just pray that I will be able to change who needs it.

Love the ones that don't deserve it.

Show mercy to the blinded 

and 

always make sure I speak with good purpose.

 We are coming to see you and to speak
wonderful things in your life.
We have  sooo much love
kisses, hugs and encouragement for you!
All of them from your
sisters, aunties, uncles, grandparents.

My good friend Mary Louise told me this
It is be ok in the end
 and
if it is not
 it is not the end Yet!

I am not bankrupt!

                                                                                 

This week seemed to take all my patience

all my understanding

all my strength

all my wisdom

all my love

all of me

 and

I  looked to God for his loving arms!

I felt alone and bankrupt.

I was running on the negative side of life!

By Friday I so wanted to be a robot!

I was tired of feeling.

I was tired of trying.

I was tired of getting the raw deal.

I was tired of that knife in my back.

I was tired of being human and having to deal with other humans!

I screamed and shouted about how

 I did not want to feel anything anymore!!!

After my little fit.  After my little pity party

after my rant, I looked at all the pictures of 

my kids, my girls, my husband

my twin, my friends, my in laws

my sisters, my brothers,my boy

my life's interactions so far and I 

realized that I would not be me if I was a Robot.

To be honest it was not suppose to be about me!

I was and still need to show who gave me everything!

It is suppose to be the prove of His love at work in my life.

I know that I am human and I make mistakes and 

I do and say things that I should not to

however

 if my life can be the proof of His true love then 

I have done what I need to. 

This is the how I know that God is real,

There is still love that is uncommon in this very common world.

There is forgiveness that this world can not explain.

There are still and will be living proof that God is real.

No matter where I am 

No matter what I do

 No matter what I say

I want my love to look like Him!

As our flight approaches I really want to make

sure that I am full of His love and not 

look at things thru a negative sight!

I want our journey to resemble 

the love that made my father love and still wants

me even after my little baby fit!

T Minus 8 days and counting

8 DAYS left until I be a world traveler!
 That thought brings me a huge smile to my face.

I think I am doing fine until I am reminded how soon 

we will be leaving!

Then I get all nervous and excited at the same time.  

Is that possible?
well I can tell you that it is.

WE have so many items to get taken care of before we leave to the airport.

 I feel kind of like Santa  Claus I have a list and I have been checking it more 

then twice an hour! ha ha

I am so excited to see where he lives and where he has spent
his days so far.
I can not wait to see his home land and take in all the sights and sounds




.
I have promised to bring back some goodies for my classroom.
Every one is soo excited including the paras.
I have warned them as well as, my other collegues
there should be no parties while I am away.
I got the wink and nod of assurance that it will all take place
while I am gone!

I am so happy and I am ready to see the My boy.
I feel like I could sing just like this boy and be soo very happy!

Sing with me!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!

Update!

We are leaving  on Nov. 4th.

There is a great deal of emotions that come with this journey.

Fear, doubt, excitement, happiness,  all of these have hit me at one point or another.

There has been moments that I have experience all of these in the same hour.

I do know that I am so very blessed.  

I have had several encouraging notes and words this week.  

We received a nice Thank you and some money to help pay for our trip.

Because of all the emotions that have pledged me thus far

I was accused of being pregnant!

Well sort of, I thought!

I do not have to have the physical labor pain, But I have had some labor!

Labor of my time and how that taxes my emotions. 

Labor of doubt and fears that invade my thoughts.

A labor of love that will be with in reach soon.

How we as a family have longed for this time to come and now it has.

I know that I am not the only one who is feelings that have overwhelmed my being!

My girls are so very thrilled and nervous at the up coming trip.

I can finally go over and see those innocent angels  who have touched my heart.

I can finally see and touch and speak life to their hearts.

I can finally see my boy and hug him.

I can finally tell him that he is so amazing and such a gift.

I may not be physically pregnant I feel like I am.

I cry at the silly commericals while craving chocolate.  

WAIT I did that before I was pregnant!.. ha

Paul has reminded me that we only have 23 days left.  

What to do what to do!

Too many things to do!

I will try to remind myself what I tell my kids..

Smell my flowers and blow out my candles!

Three deep breaths and relax!

Before I wrap up my thoughts I wanted to say

Thank you to all who have helped us so far.

I know that I do  not deserve all the I receive and for that I am so Thankful!

This is the song that has been playing over and over in my head this week.

I hope that you can and will enjoy it.

HAPPINESS, NERVOUSNESS, EXCITEMENT, and any other emotions you can throw in!

We just got the news we will be traveling on Oct. 27th.

We will then will able to see and love on him!

I can not wait to see his cute little face.

I want to see his smile in person.

I want to see his gorgeous brown eyes.

I did not think that this time would ever come.  

I was waiting and waiting and dreaming dreaming!

FINALLY

so my sweet little boy we are coming soon.

WOOOHOOOOO!!!

We  will also need some more money to help fund this trip.

If you feel it in your heart to give please do so.