I am not bankrupt!

                                                                                 

This week seemed to take all my patience

all my understanding

all my strength

all my wisdom

all my love

all of me

 and

I  looked to God for his loving arms!

I felt alone and bankrupt.

I was running on the negative side of life!

By Friday I so wanted to be a robot!

I was tired of feeling.

I was tired of trying.

I was tired of getting the raw deal.

I was tired of that knife in my back.

I was tired of being human and having to deal with other humans!

I screamed and shouted about how

 I did not want to feel anything anymore!!!

After my little fit.  After my little pity party

after my rant, I looked at all the pictures of 

my kids, my girls, my husband

my twin, my friends, my in laws

my sisters, my brothers,my boy

my life's interactions so far and I 

realized that I would not be me if I was a Robot.

To be honest it was not suppose to be about me!

I was and still need to show who gave me everything!

It is suppose to be the prove of His love at work in my life.

I know that I am human and I make mistakes and 

I do and say things that I should not to

however

 if my life can be the proof of His true love then 

I have done what I need to. 

This is the how I know that God is real,

There is still love that is uncommon in this very common world.

There is forgiveness that this world can not explain.

There are still and will be living proof that God is real.

No matter where I am 

No matter what I do

 No matter what I say

I want my love to look like Him!

As our flight approaches I really want to make

sure that I am full of His love and not 

look at things thru a negative sight!

I want our journey to resemble 

the love that made my father love and still wants

me even after my little baby fit!

T Minus 8 days and counting

8 DAYS left until I be a world traveler!
 That thought brings me a huge smile to my face.

I think I am doing fine until I am reminded how soon 

we will be leaving!

Then I get all nervous and excited at the same time.  

Is that possible?
well I can tell you that it is.

WE have so many items to get taken care of before we leave to the airport.

 I feel kind of like Santa  Claus I have a list and I have been checking it more 

then twice an hour! ha ha

I am so excited to see where he lives and where he has spent
his days so far.
I can not wait to see his home land and take in all the sights and sounds




.
I have promised to bring back some goodies for my classroom.
Every one is soo excited including the paras.
I have warned them as well as, my other collegues
there should be no parties while I am away.
I got the wink and nod of assurance that it will all take place
while I am gone!

I am so happy and I am ready to see the My boy.
I feel like I could sing just like this boy and be soo very happy!

Sing with me!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!

Update!

We are leaving  on Nov. 4th.

There is a great deal of emotions that come with this journey.

Fear, doubt, excitement, happiness,  all of these have hit me at one point or another.

There has been moments that I have experience all of these in the same hour.

I do know that I am so very blessed.  

I have had several encouraging notes and words this week.  

We received a nice Thank you and some money to help pay for our trip.

Because of all the emotions that have pledged me thus far

I was accused of being pregnant!

Well sort of, I thought!

I do not have to have the physical labor pain, But I have had some labor!

Labor of my time and how that taxes my emotions. 

Labor of doubt and fears that invade my thoughts.

A labor of love that will be with in reach soon.

How we as a family have longed for this time to come and now it has.

I know that I am not the only one who is feelings that have overwhelmed my being!

My girls are so very thrilled and nervous at the up coming trip.

I can finally go over and see those innocent angels  who have touched my heart.

I can finally see and touch and speak life to their hearts.

I can finally see my boy and hug him.

I can finally tell him that he is so amazing and such a gift.

I may not be physically pregnant I feel like I am.

I cry at the silly commericals while craving chocolate.  

WAIT I did that before I was pregnant!.. ha

Paul has reminded me that we only have 23 days left.  

What to do what to do!

Too many things to do!

I will try to remind myself what I tell my kids..

Smell my flowers and blow out my candles!

Three deep breaths and relax!

Before I wrap up my thoughts I wanted to say

Thank you to all who have helped us so far.

I know that I do  not deserve all the I receive and for that I am so Thankful!

This is the song that has been playing over and over in my head this week.

I hope that you can and will enjoy it.

HAPPINESS, NERVOUSNESS, EXCITEMENT, and any other emotions you can throw in!

We just got the news we will be traveling on Oct. 27th.

We will then will able to see and love on him!

I can not wait to see his cute little face.

I want to see his smile in person.

I want to see his gorgeous brown eyes.

I did not think that this time would ever come.  

I was waiting and waiting and dreaming dreaming!

FINALLY

so my sweet little boy we are coming soon.

WOOOHOOOOO!!!

We  will also need some more money to help fund this trip.

If you feel it in your heart to give please do so.

perspective!

What do you see?

Do you see the young lady or the old lady?

It is amazing to to me what image people see first!

I presented this picture with my youth group one  time

 and it was eye opening, to see who saw what image!

I had some youth that could not see the old lady,

I had some that could not see the young lady.

That was until I told a red pen and out line the young lady first.

I outlined the old lady in blue.

So I ask you one more time what image to you see.  

At first glance I see a young lady.  

I can also see the old lady.

 This lesson was brought home to my mind and soul today.

It amazes me what some people see.

I am also sure that is what people say when they speak of me.

I can see the child suffering with the affects of a stroke as a teacher of independence

I can look at a child with a severe physical disability and see love.

I can look at a child who is controlled by the impulsive manner and see humility. 

When people only see sadness, despair, pity or hopelessness 

when they look at my children that are disabled, 

 I will warn you to LISTEN and LOOK  to

 the children whispering  lessons of love, beauty, hope, kindness, compassion and laughter. 

I choose to see only those things!

I believe in the statement that one man's junk can be another man's treasure!

I also believe that Love is in the eye of the beholder.  

These statements are talking about some ones perspective.

I would want for every one to have a perspective change 

IF

all they see is the negative or the darkness in everything!

I understand people wanting us to be informed about our soon

to be son.  

However, when some one  says severely delayed 

I see a few extra lessons taught at his level.

Each and every time I look at our boy.

I see a cute little boy who needs love and structure.

I see a little cutie who is wanting to learn and practice what he is taught!

I see my son that is up for any challenge.

He is not willing to give up and neither am I.

 Every time I look at these innocent blessings that I do not deserve,

 I will be sure to teach, love, care for and hopefully better them;

because  what I choose to see the true image!

My baby boy please listen to that voice whispering love and peace to you right now!

We love you and I can not wait to hold you my sweet pea!

 I do know that we all loved to be held.

 I love the way He helps me to keep my perspective!

 

WAIT did some one say Wait!??????

  I remember hearing my momma saying this comment.

"Weight is what broke the wagon!"

I was confused about the wait/weight. 

I do know what she meant now.  

It is the the wait that is truly breaking us!

The wait seems to never end!

It may cause some anxiety and the wait does cause

some extra weight on my heart and mind.

I hate that feeling of being heavy and working extra  hard

 to do the normal day activities.

 I have jokingly expressed that I will not be praying for patience

any more due to his promise of giving it to me.

I have learned to be careful what I ask for!

We are still waiting to hear when we get to travel for the first time.

 We are also still waiting to hear how our boy is doing?

I also know it is unfair and wrong to judge all men by 

another man's mistakes.  

So we will have to wait  for words, wait for a visit.

Just wait!

We will wait to see what happens in next chapter of our Mission Possible.

Even if the wait is long and sometimes painful  we will not give up

we will do what is requested!

 We will make this mission that seems impossible 

very, very possible!

Where would I be???

It has been a very crazy busy time this past week.

We have successfully completed our first week of school.

YEAH! 

I feel like it will be wonderful, exciting and  teachable year.

I am so excited to see my kiddos and get to know my new ones.

I have already learned a great deal in the first real week.

I have learned that I  will be busy this year.

I have learned that I will need to be flexible.

 I have learned that we all need our anchors.
I know that I need my anchors to help me to be a better
teacher, mother, wife, friend and sister.

I know that I have some major attention deficit disorder tendencies.  

I also know how to help myself to calm down and focus.

It has only taken me 40 years to master my self help skills.  

I know that when I  really feel overwhelmed 

I need someone that really loves me to stop me 

and give me a great big bear hug.

AND as my wonderful girl friend would say

"Shell you need a swift kick in the Butt!".

That may be true as long as you follow it up with a bear hug!

I believe that self awareness is the best skill you can teach anyone.
We are in the beginning stages of this very skill in our class room.

I have a couple new students that need to learn  

 to communicate, with out screaming.
They also are in the process of learning how to appropriately
express all their feelings.
This process is not an easy one, however it will serve every one well.
I do love to see a child look at the object they want and be able
to tell me what it is they want.
They can communicate with pictures, sign and/or any speaking device known to mankind.
I love to expose the children to many different devices to see what
they prefer to use to communicate with.

So this coming year will be a learning year for my new kiddos as well as,
 my fifth graders that will be leaving me.
I am hoping that I have done a good enough job to aid them in
their future successes!
I am also hoping they will continue to learn and grow into the amazing people
I know they are!

Thank you my kiddos for being one of my anchors.
I know that you make me a better person!
Thank you for teaching me some very important lessons in this life!
I also know I have an anchor in my God.
Listen to this new Toby mac song When I heard it for the first time
I feel in love with it.
I can so see my self as this person.
I would be chasing every breeze that blows my way, IF
I did not have HIM to  help me stay focused on the important things in this life.

I really need that focus when life seems full of events that do not go my way.
I know that I can be anchored and have the peace that
ALL WILL BE O.k.

I can not wait to start helping our boy learn his way of communication.
I can not wait for him to teach me some very important lessons.
Therefore, my sweet little boy. hang on and know in your heart we love you and we are coming!